Saturday, July 19, 2008

Setting up (or how i stopped calling Jesus "J-Bone")

The carpenter is late.

Fucking bastard!! He's late and i'm out of time. Seriously.... how can a carpenter be late? I mean, its not like a caterer who has to wait for the food to get ready or a doctor waiting on some lab results before he can give his diagnosis... its a fucking carpenter! You get some wood, cut it down, wilt it, sand it, varnish it- voila! Stupid carpenter. You know who else was a carpenter? Jesus! And whether or not you believe in all his magic tricks, one thing can be said about the man: he was a damn good carpenter! And i bet he wouldnt have me waiting around my still empty store with 7 boxes of DVD cases ready and waiting to be shelved which i cant do because the damn carpenter making the shelves is LATE!!!

Stupid Carpenter!
"Dont insult the carpenter."
Why not?.. Wait... who said that?
"Its me... Jesus..."
Jesus? As in THE Jesus?
Wow... the Jesus.. J-Bone...
"Yeah, dont call me that... now, i'd like for you to lay off your fellow man."
Oh you can be sure i'm laying him off! His ass is grass after this!
"No, no... thats not what i mean at all... I'm saying, it would be best for you to give him a break. Go easy on him."
Wow... even after all this time, you carpenters sure stick together! But wait... i dont even believe in you...
"Sure you do."
No, really, i dont. Dont do church or the bible or any of that stuff. I'm not a Christian.
"Of course you are."
"Yeah huh."
Really? Thats your arguement to win my soul over and save me from eternal damnation?..."Yeah huh"?
"Yeah well... that and... THIS!"
Holy fuck balls!!!
"Woah, watch the blasphemy..."
How the hell did you do that??? Seriously...
"Do not despair, future almost successful small business owner. Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage; the human spirit is to grow strong through conflict."
Wow... who is that, Blake?
"William Ellery Channing."
Thats good.
"Right? Yeah i dig it too. Anyway, the point is that you need to take it easy on your fellow man and perhaps others will do unto... others?... no!... you will do...?"
Wooooah, easy there,... Lord... dont hurt yourself. I think i follow you.
"You're going to do fine, young man. Your path is a golden one just as long as you remember most importantly and above all, ensure that you dont forget-.... oooh i gotta go!"
Wait, dont forget what? Dont forget what??
"Sorry, its 9.00 pm and LOST is starting. It ended on a real nail biter last week. Peace be with you, child."
Wait... isnt that the moslem thing? Jesus? Lord?

But he's gone. I mean He... dammit I'm getting confused. The point is, i'm able to pull myself together and when the carpenter does eventually show up, we start to build:

Seriously, this is the space we started with...
But with a little Curious George man in the yellow suit paint...
Some "shelves" and a little "artwork"(yeah, i did music not art)...
Covered up those gaps and paint spills in the wall with dvd jackets...
And soon enough, my dream has come together...

Next time, i'll tell you all about my personal vendetta against 19 year olds and the truth about how Tom Cruise fell in love with Scientology. In the meantime, feel free to stop by the store one of these days... we give free popcorn to the customers on Tuesadays.

Except we dont.


Anonymous said...

That will be Boston Legal Season two, three and four. Some latest prison break. Any any intelectual banter comedy goes. Plus A few good men. How soon can I get those?

Just Rich said...

We've got all the Boston Legal you can finish over a decade and the quirkiest funniest shows that ever aired on the tube. Pop in some time.

Princess said...

What's this about a personal vendetta against 19year olds?/?

*And thank you for finally getting a blog we can actually comment on! :D
Where's this Mr. E's found anyway? Directions, if you please?