Sunday, July 27, 2008

My war against 19 year olds (or how great was The Dark Knight? right?)

I dont know if you've seen it yet but The Dark Knight is the dog's bollocks! Fuck! It is the movie equivalent of a 3 hour orgasm... dont ask how i would know that. Watch it. And damn Chris Nolan for being such an alien! How does he come up with this stuff? I mean, its not the greatest movie of all time (that would be Showgirls... duh?) but it is easily the most involving and exciting and amazing movie experience i've ever had at the cinema!

My workmate's named Doris.

I have a picture of her somewhere but i cant find it right now. She is hot. Now some of you might be thinking: "Oh... here goes another one of those chauvanist pigs... hiring girls cos of their good looks.... their bountiful racks and full bottoms... their long, long, long legs and bedroom eyes... their soft, cocnut skin and cherry lips..." Sorry i got carried away there. But the point is that i hate (F-E-A-R) 19 year old girls/ladies/women. And they're EVERYWHERE, right? I'm telling you, i've learnt to sniff them out. If a lady walks into my store and i start to give in to the allure of the sexy spot between her chin and her bossom, right below the neck but just above the cleavage... she's gonna be 19!! Its like i couldnt escape them to save my life.

Maybe i'm biased. You see, i have loved only 2 women in my life (Halle Berry doesnt count anymore cos she got pregnant). Now maybe its my karma or maybe the gods have it out for me but believe it or not, both of these vixens just so happened to be 19 when i graciously offered them my heart on a silver platter and they callously took it, run it through a meat grinder, took that mince and dried it out in the sun, crushed it into a powder which they then dissovled in sulphuric (or ammonic) acid, strained through a wire mesh, froze and sent to the arctic for the eskimoes to use as shark bait!

Or perhaps i was simply an asshole and deserved to be kicked to the curb. Actually, that sounds more accurate. That was it, i think.

Nevertheless, the fact that they both happened to be 19 is no conincidence. I do not believe in coincidences. I believe in providence. In purpose. When i see 3 ships, 3 captains and 3 objectives... Wow, wasnt the Matrix:Reloaded the most ass kicking of the 3? Aaahh, good times.

There's girls that keep me company at the store. In shifts. Doris only works on my days off so during the week i'm all by me onesies. These "visitors" of mine all happen to be 19. I knew it before i ever saw them that they would be 19. God knows i swore them off for this year so He keeps messing with me. Every single hot girl that walks into my store just so happens to be 19! Or at least they once were or will someday be! Coincidence? Am i being paranoid? i dont think so. And the thing is, i always realise it far too late!

They bounce into my store like free range bunnies, their eyes so full of the promise of a bright day. (For the women, by "eyes" i mean "breasts"). She'll stroll over to my counter to ask me questions she'll never know the answer to. She'll wink and grin and flirt and smile... and i'll feel the darkness of the clouds closing in but know that she's wound that invisible leash round my neck and its too late for me. Save yourselves... her intellect is too much for me. ("intellect"= Cleavage) And then once i'm in, once i'm doomed beyond the slightest hope of redemption, i'll actually start to listen to what she's saying and the things she's talking about.

"Kale, me i know Bebe Kool. In fact me i just call him Bebe... cos he's like my bebe bro. That guy is a "G"... Are you a "G"?... Eh eh, kyoka, you! You think you're a "G"? Anyway you are. I was going to go for Akon but me that guy looks too ghetto for me!... But i like his song of Smack That... He makes good love songs..."... .... ..... ..............

I listen but in my mind i vow eternal vengeance against that unfairly full 19 year old cleavage staring me in the face. It is a war and the cleavage has won this battle. But i will have my vengeance! Oh yes, the day will come when the cleavage will yield to me!...

Only not today...

"Do you know Collie Budz used to be black? Eh eh! I'm telling you... kyoka i used to know he was black but then he isnt. Even Sean Po!...".... .... ...................

6 comments:

The 0ne said...

19 is the new 22. . .

chanelno5 said...

When will Boston Legal 2
Dirty Sexy Money
Californication be in. When either is in please let me know here so I pass by

Just Rich said...

Hey Chanel, all the above mentioned are currently in stock. the place is amazingly easy to find but i'm a try and put up a map of some sort on this blog. if you find yourself in ntinda and lost, hit me up on 0773251896...

the One... i think you missed the point of Two Face in the Dark Knight... "Half Face"? WTF???

Cheri said...

LOL...YOUR HEARTBREAKS SHOULD BE MADE INTO MOVIES...THAT WHOLE MEAT GRINDER TO SHARK BAIT THING IS FUNNY.

Sorry, I just realised I was using caps. Forgive me.

so chics with sexy (!) bits above cleavage but below neck are 19? Then that makes me 18.

Cheri said...

Hahahahah, u're killingme here with Sean Po!

Heh heh.

I've been there twice but u don't stare at me Rich...wassup? I am not 19 so no need to worry.

Just Rich said...

@ Cheri....really??... lower necklines then... just a suggestion