Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Of Porn Star Fans and The Upside-down Staircase

Remember that song "Feening" by... um... what were those guys called?... Guy?... Sway... Shy...no, Shai... remember "You got me feening... (feening)..." Yeah, that song was awesome. Is awesome. It just speaks of this urge to be with someone, this itch, this drive to woo them. You ever listen to it and wish you could sing it for someone but not sound as horrible as you normally do but as awesome as you sound in the shower and win her heart? What a true song...

So i have a porn guy. Porn guys, plural. And i love these guys... I mean you'll have shitty days when all people want to do is take their bad days out on you. Seriously, sometimes i feel like i should be paid for providing my spirit as an emotional punching bag for the working class. It might go down like this:

JR: Hey, so and so... how's your day be-
So and so: What do you have for me thats nice?
JR: Um... it depends what kind of mood you're in-
S.S:Ah.. i just want something i'll enjoy. You know what kind of movies i like.
JR: Right.. um...we have the new white guy/funny black guy movie sequel, we've got the romantic comedy starring that girl from that popular teen show, there's a new horror from the guys who did the first 23 Saw movies...
S.S:Eh... you're saying too many things i dont like... its like you dont like your job...
JR:.....
S.S: Did they bring the other movie back?
JR: The "other" movie?
S.S:...................
JR: Um... let me check..... (not checking cos i dont know what the fuck she's talking about) ...... no, it seems like its still out.
S.S: As ALL your movie are ALWAYS out.... Its like you just put up covers of movies you dont have...
JR:..........(bitch!)
S.S: Eh?
JR: huh?
S.S: What?
JR: Okay... Do you watch One Tree-
S.S: Ah... i think let me just come back next time... maybe you'll have brought some nice movies... for once...
JR: Sure... Have a good-.... Oh, you're gone... Cooool.....

Porn guys never do this. Porn guys understand that i neither make the movies we have (or dont have) in stock nor am i the one who borrows them with barely any intention of returning them within the lunar month. They say the customer is always right. I say the customer is always right if that customer is a porn guy. Or Elewa... I know i'm not supposed to have a favourite customer but Elewa is too cool for school. Not just cos we have a very similar feel for movies but he brought me RICHARD PRYOR!!!! Whenever this dude comes by, we actually have interesting conversations about movies and he never seems shocked or angry that (huh!) movies have been rented in a movie RENTAL store! He's a cool brother. Almost as cool as the porn guys.

The thing about porn guys is that they're your regular everyday people... they're just not uptight about their desire to see people naked and doin it. ANd when i say guys, dont go off snickering ladies. "Porn Guys" includes women as well. Thats right, WOMEN WATCH PORN TOO. I dont get why its okay to watch peole cut up and torture each other a la Saw 1, 2 , 3, 4 ,5.... and thats okay but oh no, God forbid you should see 2 people doing what Adam and Eve did in the good book!! Hypocrites! One porn guy gave me an incredibly rational explanation as to why he enjoys these particular movies (ignore the word "enjoys" in that phrase): "I just dont like things that are too fictititious."

Oh Speaking of gravity defying cleavage, my workmate Doris is back in the building after a short sojourn away from mr.E's. Things just didnt work out with her replacment who even though he was a cool dude, at the end of the day his legs just werent as nice to ogle... Oooh,, that sounds very sexual harrassment-y. I'm out.

RIP Bernie Mac AND Isaac Hayes ( latter not pictured here).

2 comments:

Darlkom said...

Have you got 'Lesbian Spank Inferno'? Also, stop ogling my sister.

Just Rich said...

No Lesbian Spank Inferno but i do have "Beast Wars" (which i bought expecting to be the transformers cartoon), White Injection and Nature Show.

Oh and no need to worry about Doris... as my co-worker, i never look anywhere below her waist... wait, the waist is part of the legs, right?... Okay... As my workmate, i never look at anything below her chest... oooooh, i need a lawyer QUICK!!!